I haven’t posted a blog entry in a few days. To be honest, I was a little surprised, my last few blog entries actually got a few hits, which means that someone is actually reading this thing. Which is fucking scary. I mean there’s some personal shit on this page. I started blogging because I was feeling depressed (unless you ask the psychiatrist, in which case I was anxious, wtf?) but I had been feeling better the last few days which I guess is why I wasn’t able to maintain my usual level of vitriole and hatred to post something the last few days.
Well yesterday, I ran out of weed. So now I’m sober.
Turns out sobriety is…um….boring.
No, really. There are really very few benefits to not being high. Now granted my marijuana usage has been a little out of control for the last little while, and my inability to study is probably related to that fact, (although I prefer to blame the fact that Fantasygirl is sucking another guy’s cock), but goddamnit shit is boring when you’re sober. Video games are less interesting, movies are less appealing, jerking off is less exciting… I don’t know. If I didn’t have to study, I’d probably reconsider trying to abstain from drugs for the next few weeks. I don’t know if I’ll actually be succesful, cuz apparently I do have a drug problem, but who the fuck knows.
My pet peeve of the day is pretty simple actually. Why is that when the person at the cash gives you their change, they can’t simply place it on the counter or drop it into my hand? Why do they feel obligated to get their grimy disgusting hands, and by extension the hands of every other customer they’ve touched today, all over my hands.
Put the fucking change on the counter. I’ll pick it up. Drop it in my hand. That’s why God invented gravity motherfucker. Instead you put the bill on my hand and then the change on top of the bill. So now I can’t drop the bill in my wallet without dropping my change all over the floor (because my other hand is holding my bag or coffee or whatever), and I can’t put the change in my wallet, because I can’t use my thumb without letting go of the bill. This is why i no longer feel bad about using my credit card to buy things that are under $10. My policy now is to use my credit card for absolutely everything. I bought a bagel with my credit card last week. Didn’t even feel bad about it.
The Chick Situation
So this morning I walk over to Starbucks to get a cup of coffee as part of my continuing efforts to procrastinate and fail my exam. There’s this retardedly hot blonded sitting by the window with some douchebag. The blonde has one of these tight, tight bodies, with a pair of one of the most unnatural breasts I’ve ever seen. Her beautiful fake booboes were basically falling out of her shirt. The douchebag who is out on what is clearly their first “getting to know you date” is absolutely killing the conversation. I don’t know, maybe he was distracted by her cleavage or something, but dude seriously, focus! I wasn’t even talking to the chick and all I was thinking about was leaving a giant jizz bomb on her chest. You need to keep your head in the game man. I was tempted to go over there and try to pick her up (which actually would have helped him, since they at least would have had something to talk about instead of saying things like “i like my job” “i like cats” “my cat’s breath smells like cat food”, but I felt kinda bad for the guy. Rest assured however, the next time I see that chick in starbucks I will be spilling my soy-milk-no whip-grande mocha all over her shirt. mmmmm….wet boobies…sigh.
Does anyone know how to pick up the Barista at starbucks? There’s 2 really cute Barista’s at my starbucks. I’m not picky, i’d fuck either. Both. Whatever. I have absolutely no idea how to do this. It would require some time of line stoppage. I think the last thing she would want is to be hit on by losers during her break.
I think this plan requires an elaborate distraction. Maybe something involving a dancing monkey and some drunk midgets.
Details are still sketchy but I think Operation Bang a Barista -v.2008 is in the initial planning stages.
Still no contact with Fantasygirl. She’s online at the moment, I can see she’s logged into MSN, but she’s clearly ignoring me, or she can’t typed at the moment, because she’s giving her new boyfriend a reacharound. Two of her friends have sent me messages on facebook in the last few days. I briefly considered ignoring the messages, but ultimately I decided that would be immature and childish. Even though immature and childish are my forte(s) (what the fuck is the plural of forte?), I decided to answer back. I think I could fuck both of the chicks that sent me messages. I haven’t fucked any of Fantasygirl’s friends because I just assumed that I ever went after one of her friends, I would never get her, but now….wtf? There’s nothing to lose. Next time I’m drunk I’m going to try and bang her friends. In fact I think the challenge will be to fuck em both as close in time in possible, and keep trying to fuck them closer and closer together. Like I would fuck one in the morning, and one after dinner, and then the a few days later I could fuck one before lunch and then one afterwards. Additional levels of difficulty could be added by telling each one that I was or was planning on fucking the other chick. Maybe I could even yell out Fantasy girl’s name while I was fucking them. That’d be awesome.
Cuckold girl sent me another invitation to her birthday party. She broke up with her boyfriend, but they’re still living together. There’s no way in hell I’m going to a party full of people that are friends with her ex, and be like “hey, i’m the dude that she’s been cheating with for the last 9 months”. I’m sure that’ll go over well. Anyways, Cuckold girl wants to watch a movie tomorrow afternoon. I can count the number of times we’ve done something that didn’t end in sex. That would be one time. I think we did something one time that didn’t end up in sex. I’m pretty sure my penis or her vagina was broken at the time.
Fracture girl, is working tonight, and we’re supposed to get together tomorrow once she’s done. Which could be awkward. I have nothing to entertain her with, cuz I don’t do anything but study and work these days, and there won’t be any alcohol, and she’ll be tired and cranky…so yeah wtf was I thinking insisting we get together.
Believe it or not, I’m watching the Habs on CBC right now. Granted their on channel 125 or something, the guy doing the play-by-play has cerebral palsy, the colour is all fucked up, there’s no HD, and they’re playing the islanders, but I don’t give a fuck, cuz I least I get to watch the Habs.
The amazing thing. This is the first time I’ve seen the Habs on CBC in at least 15 years and have yet to hear the announcers openly rooting against the Habs. Usually those racist fucks do everything they can to pump up the audience for the Habs opponents. I’m not worried though. I’m sure we’re a few minutes away from another 30 minute conversation about Mats Sundin’s plans to star in gay porn during the off-season and how that will affect the perception of the hallowed leafs (seems about right to me btw)
On Sportscenter or sportsnet connected this week, the show actually had the following sequence of pieces to their broadcast.
1. Summary of Leafs Game
2. Coaches Post-game press conference
3. Post-game analysis discussion
4. Recap of Leafs Game
5. Another analysis section
6. 5 minute “What if?” if piece discussing the possible trades the Leafs might have made on trade day (These weren’t even trades happened or are going to happen, they were trades that might have happened!!!! I swear Leafs fans are retarded)
7. Recap of all the other games in the NHL
The funniest part though was that the stupid talking heads said that the Habs and leafs had a deal where Sundin was going to be traded for Chris Higgins, a first round draft pick and another player (i think they thought it was Grabs or another pretty decent young guy). Yeah, i’m sure Gainey was willing to make that awful fucking trade.
Before it was over they had Sundin, Kaberle and Tucker traded for like 5 players and 8 draft picks including Steve Stamkos. Further proof that there is nothing dumber than a leafs fan.
…The CBC is having there hot stove league starring Ron Maclean, Deep Throat and the Al Strachan aka Canada’s number one user of adult diapers. I guess they couldn’t afford another person to complete the panel. They’re talking about more rule changes. I swear the NHL is run by nincompoops. LEAVE THE GAME ALONE!!!! The problem is not the game. The problem is the people running the game. THE PROBLEM IS NOT THAT MARTIN BRODEUR CAN PLAY THE PUCK IN THE CORNER! THE PROBLEM IS THAT THE LEAGUE DOES NOT HAVE A TELEVISION CONTRACT!!!
I think I need to actively campaign to to become commissioner of this league, because clearly I’m the only person paying attention.
The Habs are up 1-0 right now. Either they explode in the 3rd for a couple of goals, or the isles tie it up and it goes to overtime. Have I mentioned that I hate the overtime loss rule yet? I hate the overtime loss yet. I think i need to devote a post to how stupid that rule is.
Also I realize they’re playing the islanders, but Halak is looking pretty solid.
Things I’m planning on buying
Since we apparently have some readers now, or at least people that clicked on the page accidentally. I need to buy a new external hard drive, since my old one died and I lost all my porn. I’m not kidding. ALL MY PRON! I had an extensive collection include some very nice amateur and rare stuff. I’m not kidding myself it’s only a matter of time until I fill up another hard drive. So in anticipation of that, does anyone have any recomendation for external drives that are less likely to fail?
I think that’s all for today. I was looking at some NBA stats yesterday, and I think Jose Calderon the Raptors point guard might be the most underrated player in the NBA
Wow, Kovalev just scored a beauty.
Sorry, so I’m thinking I might need to dedicate a post to that, but it would require some actual research on my behalf.
Also, could Lost have sucked any harder this week? No, it could not.