Posts Tagged ‘Etch-a-sketch’

Sam Mitchell Has No Idea What He’s Doing

March 17, 2008

Sam Mitchell

Look I wanted Sam Mitchell fired a year ago. Then Bryan Colangelo went and turned the Raptors from one of the worst teams in the NBA into a pretty respectable one. Chris Bosh went on a diet consisting of nothing but human growth hormone and aborted Phillipino fetuses, and somehow all of that translated into Mitchell winning coach of the year. Essentially meaning that Colangelo had to wait at least one year (if the Raps had sucked comepletely this year) or more likely 2 before he fires Mitchell.

There seems to be something intrinsic to the Colangelo’s family’s DNA. They just go out and build championship teams. Bryan Colangelo is a Jedi Knight, like his father before him.

He’s done a phenomenal job of rebuilding this Raptors team. To the point where someone like me who spent a good decade actively loathing the NBA and basketball actually looks forward to watching the Raptors and chooses to watch NBA games now over NHL games. It helps that the NHL puts out a shit product that gets worse every year, and that the NBA is having one of the most interesting and competitive seasons in its history.

None of this however, belies the fact that Sam Mitchell is a horrible coach. I like the guy. He seems very affable. I think if I were at a party, I’d like to hang out with him. He seems to have a pretty good sense of humour and does a good job getting along with his players, but as a coach…he needs some seasoning.

I don’t know how many more times I can watch Andrea Bargnani post up at the 3-point line. Or be forced to watch TJ Ford bounce around the floor like like a broken Etch-a-sketch, or the disorganized melee the Raps fall into when they’re losing in the final minutes of a game. His inability to call plays to get the ball to his playmakers is beyond frustrating.

Etch-a-sketch

The Raptors have been getting killed on this west coast trip, and to be fair that’s not at all surprising. This is a team that just absolutely stunk 2 years ago. They’ve been rebuilt into a competitive team in a very short time. Granted they wasted their #1 overall pick on Garbage-nani, but in the Eastern Conference they’re a competitive team. They’re not an elite team like Boston or Detroit, but on any other given night they have the ability to beat anyt other team in teh conference. Unfortunately, competitive in the East means you don’t have a shot in hell at making the playoffs in teh West. Throw in the absence of Chris Bosh, and there’s no way the Raps were coming out of this trip alive.

Let me just state one thing here. Even though the Raptors lost again tonight… UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD BOSH BE RUSHED BACK EARLY FROM HIS INJURY!!!!

The raptors are making the playoffs. With Bosh they have a shot of winning the first round, and becoming the fluke team of the 2nd round. Without Bosh, they couldn’t win a high school basketball tournament. The shouldn’t even give Bosh the option of coming back early. Whenever he says he’s ready, they should make him sit out another 2 games just to be sure he’s not lying. You know he’s dying watching this team lose from the bench. This is the guy that gave Vince Carter (aka fugly ass munching-cocksucking-felching queefer head) a complete stare-down, when Vince was doing his usual “Aw-shucks, gee, gosh darnit I guess we lost another one” routine. Bosh basically looked at that lazy fuck and said “I know professional athletes, and you sir are no professional athlete!”.

Btw how awesome would that be as a NBA commercial or an SNL skit. Just have Bosh looking at Carter in disgust for a full minute at how lazy his apathetic ass is.

But I digress. The point here is that watching the last couple of minutes of the Toronto-Sacramento game it’s painfully clear Mitchell has no idea what he’s doing. The Kings were allowed to waste clock with impunity in the last 2 minutes, while the Raptors trailed by multiple possessions. Then even though he had Delfino at the line shooting foul shots, Mitchell still couldn’t communicate to his players that he wanted no foul. What happens? They waste another 10 seconds and then foul anyways.

Then with the raptors done by 5, he takes Capono, the best 3-point shooter in the league out of the game, and lets Jamario Moon miss a 3. Everybody loves Moon. He’s another guy who seems like he’d be fun at a party, but no one is ever going to mistake this guy for a clutch player. He’s fun to watch, he can jump a mile, but he still makes fundamental errors with incredible frequency. You can make the rookie exscuse all you want, but the guy is like 27 years old. He’s been doing this awhile, and its unlikely he’s going to improve much further.

The Raptors kept giving up offensive boards. He could have at least tried bringing Garbage-nani into the game. Get a big body in, that (at least pretends to be able) to rebound, and can shoot a 3. Instead we end up with Moon shooting 3’s and Carlos Delfino thinking he’s the point guard out there.

I’m getting more aggravated with this, but Jose Calderon needs to step up. Quite frankly the guy is a phenomenal basketball player. Have you seen the shots of him during half time, fetching Gatorade for his teammates? It’s no coincidence that the Raptors were playing there best basketball of the season when TJ Ford was injured, and Calderon had to play all those minutes.

Jose Calderon

Calderon stepped up. He realized the team wouldn’t be able to win without him scoring. So he started shooting more, and because he was hitting his shots teams had to play him to shoot, which made his passing more effective. Looking at the guys stats, he’s the best kept secret in the league. Now that Ford is back though, Calderon is acting like the backup quarterback on a varsity team.

Jose, you’re the 2nd best player on this team. Act like it. Walk with some swagger. Act like a jerk. You deserve to.

Calderon at his best is like Steve Nash before he became STEVENASH! Considering Nash just won 2 MVPs, I’m cool with that.

(Btw does anyone else find it strange that even though LeBron is clearly having a better statistical season than Kobe, and is playing with absolutely shi-ite teammates every night, the media has already decided Kobe is winning the MVP award? Seems to me like they’re voting based on seniority and not merit)

Anyways, until Colangelo finds an exscuse to fire Mitchell and bring in a real coach, they trade TJ Ford and Garbage-nani for someone who can reboud and let Calderon play like a #1 point guard, the Raptors are not going anywhere.

The Chick Situation

So brunch with FractureGirl went pretty well. I had to leave her to go study, but managed to some PG-13 rated action before saying goodbye. She sent me a slew of text messages afterwards so clearly she thought it was going well as well.

Still very limited progress on discerning the age difference between us, but I’m going to wait until after I see her naked before I bring this up. Like I said, that’ll be the exit strategy.

I was supposed to meet Cuckoldgirl right afterwards, but she ended up bailing on me. Which was actually good, cuz I ended up getting a decent amount of studying done for a change.

No news on fantasy girl, except for the recurring hourly nightmares in my head of her lying on a couch while her boyfriend pleasures her, at the same time that she’s pointing and laughing at me.

I haven’t smoked any weed in a couple of days. Which is not to say that I haven’t still been depressed about fantasy girl, but I have noticed that my mood has been slightly better. I actually smiled today for no particular reason, while I was walking down the street listening to The Killers.

Epilogue

I think that’s all for now. It’s past my bedtime. I do need post this link though. It’s like “There’s Something About Mary” only…not funny. (and probably not as hot as Cameron Diaz was in that movie. Man she used to be hot)

http://startelegram.typepad.com/sky_talk/2008/03/woman-files-law.html

It seriously deserves its own post but fuck you guys, i’m lazy and no one reads this shit anyways.

PS – just in case anyone is wondering I think I must have spent half of high school jerking off to this clip