Posts Tagged ‘The Wire’

“You know what the plural of pussy is? Pusssss-eye. Jimmy taught me that” – Bunk

March 10, 2008

How good was the Wire’s finale? It was so fucking good. It was just about perfect.

Honestly series finales usually suck. For some reason I had no doubt that last night’s ep would kick ass. Maybe it was the fact that David Simon is truly incapable of making bad TV, or maybe its because he actually plans his stories out ahead of time instead of just throwing everyone onto an island and never bothers to explain why the fucking button needs to be pushed every 108 minutes.

Television shows usually end 1 of 2 ways. Good shows with shitty ratings get yanked before their time and the creators have to hustle to cram everything they wanted to tell into a condensed arc or episode. Prime examples of this include Farscape,   Carnival, Action (if you can remember that show), or Babylon 5. Babylon 5 – (which sadly is a great story hidden in an incredibly shitty production, just horrible sets, makeup, terrible actors, stilted dialogue. If it wasn’t for the overall arc being so awesome the show would have been relegated to Battlestar Galactica 1980 status) – was interesting because the show was canceled so JMS moved his season 5 story into the second half of season 4. Then the show got UN-Canceled so they had to come up with an entirely new story for season 5 (which didn’t really work out all that well).

The other way shows end are shows that started off good, but then turned to shit as the networks try to pump every last $$$ out of these highly recognizable shows. Cheers, the X-files, ER, the list goes on.

As a result series finales are usually shit. They consist of either compressed stories that are not allocated enough space, or stories that have stayed on the shelf past their due date.

The Wire finale was none of those things. It was perfect.

The wire went out on its own terms. Yeah, those fucks at HBO cut 3 eps this season, and that pretty much killed any chance of the newspaper storyline resonating with viewers. By and large though Simon got to tell his entire story over the course of these 60 eps. Each season had a specific thematic link that tied everything together, and the overall seasons connected to each other thematically as well.

The show is constructed like that. In The Wire everything connects. Every time a character does something, it affects everything else, which is why people have no idea what’s coming next. In a city of over a million people you can’t know who’s shit is going to land in front of you as you’re walking down the street to pick up the paper.

The finale was incredibly adept at tying up loose ends. Almost every storyline got an ending, and new beginning. It effectively showed how everyone is trapped by the lies they tell. These people don’t just trap themselves, they trap each other. They’re trapped to each other.

This couldn’t be delineated more clearly than in last night’s episode. Multiple scenes demonstrated that fact. The scene where Mcnulty tells Templeton to fuck off, or when Freamon realizes that the bosses need them to go quietly, or when Daniels figures out that he’s got as much on Carcetti as they do on him.

I loved the homages they paid to previous episodes. The scene where Daniels and Mcnulty are in the elevator is reminiscent of the scene from the pilot where Rawls is in the elevator and tells one of the higher-ups “You can have him. that Mcnulty son-of-a-bitch is dead to me”.

Duquan turning into Bubbles.

Micheal turning into Omar. You feeling me?

Sydnor turning into Mcnulty. (That scene with the judge was my favorite)

Carver turning into Daniels.

The players on the street continuing to grind and playing the game.

The difference between The Wire and everything else on TV is that there is no filler in the wire. There are no Nikki and Paulo episodes. Fonzzy doesn’t jump the shark. Sam doesn’t get Rebecca. Ross and Rachel don’t date. I can’t think of a single episode, a single scene in the wire that didn’t have a larger point, that wasn’t relevant to the larger story Simon and Co. were telling.

I honestly don’t think we’ll ever see another show like this. The amount of research that went into this show…the writers of this show went out and essentially used the date they collected to write a scientific study (albeit it a descriptive study) on the workings of a major metropolitan city in the 21st century.

It’s kinda depressing that there isn’t anything even remotely as good out there. People love shows like the Sopranos or Lost or Battlestar Galactica, but for every Pine Barrens”  there’s 5 episodes of Tony scratching his balls or having metaphorical out of body Grouper sandwich, for every ” Live Together, Die Alone  there’s a Exposé ,  for every “Exodus, Part 2” there’s a “Scar“.

I defy you to find me even a single scene in over 60 hours of television that is the Wire that qualifies as filler. The Wire will be missed. Thank you David Simon.

(oh yeah, I was way off on my predictions, except for Dukie,Templeton and Carcetti. But those were kinda obvious)

The Wire


The Wire. Case Closed.

March 9, 2008

French Frog

Have a smoke and a drink a toke in memoriam of the best TV show there ever was; The Wire.

It all comes to an end tonight. The screener has apparently been out for a couple of days already, but even though I’ve been fanatical in my obsession about the wire, that piece of crucial information somehow managed to slip by me. It’s really kinda crazy that the best show on television is coming to an end, and nobody seems to notice. Although I guess that show has been so thoroughly ignored by the media throughout its run, that it is somehow appropriate that the show goes out without the usual media reach-around and hoopla that accompanied the end of other quality TV shows. Why a turd mcmuffin retard show like Family Guy gets prime real estate and advertising, while a show that is incredibly intelligent and provides critical social commentary (like the Wire) gets buried…well let’s just say if you’ve been watching the Wire you probably know that why things succeed has a lot more to do with politics and economics than about quality.

I guess there’s no room on the tube for intelligent, well-written shit on TV. Thank god for blogs, eh?

Couple of predictions for the end.

Mcnulty: Gonna get char-broiled. His behaviour over the first 3 seasons became proggressively more erratic and self-destructive. He burned more bridges, pissed off more people, fucked up his relationships more, and was drinking more. He managed to clean up his act slightly once Stringer got got, but unfortunately he’s just gone completely off the deep end this season. All you have to do is look at Bunk and Kima’s reaction to what he’s been doing all season. His tenuous grasp on reality has been severed. The fact that he has been fucking with crime scenes and inventing murders, clearly shows that he is no longer “good Po-Lice”. I think his career is over, and quite frankly there was speculation on some boards that he would suicide himself. I think that ending makes sense. If Mcnulty doesn’t have the police department then he doesn’t have anything. Like Freamon and Daniels have told him “The job won’t save you”.

The over all them to the season is always encapsulated in the first season of the first episode. This season the them was clearly “The bigger the lie, the more they believe”. Every character this season has trapped by their lies. Mcnulty and Freamon inventing a serial killer and a C.I. Templeton lying about…um…everything. The newspaper editors choosing to ignore obvious issues in the city to focus on the “dickensian” aspect. Chris Partlow hiding what Omar said from Marlo. Marlo lying to the co-op and to Prop Joe. Carcetti breaking his promise to Daniels, and breaking his promise to the public so that he can win the gubernatorial race. The only character I can think off that hasn’t been caught up in a lie so far this season is Bubbles.

Bubbles: It’s going to end poorly. We’ve seen Bubbles make recoveries before, albeit biefly, but this is the longest he’s ever been clean. The Wire is a novel, and foreshadowing is always present. That scene earlier this year, where Bubbles is walking down the street and the dope fiend recognized him. That scene was trying to show that the spectre of he needle always hangs over Bubbles shoulders. Bubbles is a dope fiend, he’ll die a dope fiend. There’s a small chance that Simon leaves Bubbles as the one character that finds redemption…but somehow I doubt it.

The Snitch: The source of teh the grand jury papers that were found on Prop Joe has yet to be revealed. Speculation is that Rhonda Pearlman is the leak, since she’s the one character on the show that has close ties to the court house. I think it’s very unlikely that she’s the leak. Pearlman has always been a straight character. She always follows chain of command, she’s never screwed anyone or shown any political ambition. She’s one of the most honest characters in the show, and for her to suddenly be exposed as leaking grand jury info to the street, would be a pretty big character inconsistency. Something Simon is exceedingly good at avoiding. Considering that almost every episode this year has had a cameo from a character from season’s past, I think a far more likely candidate is the Judge. The judge set up the wire tap in season one, is politically motivated and has shown no need to comply to ethical behaviour…and we haven’t seen him yet this season.

Freamon: Freamon is Mcnulty, only smarter. Both are obsessive, both consider themselves to be the smartest people in the room. Both decide to “fuck the bosses” when THEIR case was threatened. Lester ended up in the pawn shop, Mcnulty on the boat. Which is why Freamon was ok with Mcnulty creating the serial killer. They both have no problem bending the rules when it suits them, and justifying their behaviour afterwards. Freamon never touched a homeless body, and it’s unlikely Mcnulty will sell him out. The only place he can get fucked up is on the illegal wire, the fake C.I. and using Mcnulty’s CC numbers for his surveillance unit. He’ll probably get chewed out and sent back to the pawn shop once Major Crimes is shut down.

Herc: Still gonna be working Levy, driving a Benz, and hitting on Dozerman’s girl. Western district way!!!

Carver: My vote for the one character that makes it out unscathed. The change we’ve seen in Carver over the 5 seasons has been the most uplifting of any character on the show. From a knucklehead that forgets that suspects might be carrying an extra gun all the way to organizing and trying to save Hamsterdam, and to finally realizing the busting heads on the corner is not a solution. The scene in season 4 where Carver decides he doesn’t need to chase the car thiefs, because he already knows their names is one of my favorite. Carver will probably be promoted, he’s likely to turn into Bunny. A career cop who gets promoted because of the recognition that he is good police, but without any political connections to climb further up the ladder.

Kima: Probably not much. Bunk, Freamon or Mcnulty might chew her out for turning rat. Ultimately though even if you disagree with what she did, Kima would still feel justified. She might quit homicide though to be with the kid.

Daniels: He’s fucked. The info that Burrell passed to Nerese is ticking time bomb. That combined with the fact that his department just bankrupted the city looking for a non-existent serial killer. Carcetti is going to dump him faster than hot potato.

Rawls: Carcetti hates him. He’ll probably be an bystander of the politicians.

Carcetti: If there’s one thing the Wire preaches it’s that the system promotes failure. Carcetti has failed at every single one of his election promises. He killed Hamsterdam which would have solved the crime/drug problem. He killed the education initiative which would have cleaned up the corners. He killed major crimes which could have been on Marlo and the Co-op. Carcetti will win for governor on his <ahem> “record, kill the incumbent on the homeless issue and he’ll do it with the support of the Baltimore sun.

Clay Davis: The game is the game. Davis will keep on being a smooth talking con artist. He gets off Scott-fre.

Templeton: He’ll also get off free. He’ll win the pulitzer, and because he follows chain of command he’ll likely get off without repercussion as the editorial board will likely support him

Gus Haynes: His time at the paper is over. Perhaps he’ll go on to write a novel or a TV show. Who knows? 🙂

Marlo: Levy will get him out, maybe. Drug dealers don’t last very long in the wire. Every character we’ve seen on the street has short life span compared to non-street characters. This is just a reflection of society. If you play with drugs and guns, there’s a pretty good chance you’re going to end up dead or in jail (Stringer, Avon, Omar, Snoop, Prop Joe, Weebay, stinkum, Deangelo, Bodie…sorry I’m still upset over Bodie). The list of dead thugs on the show is pretty extensive.If you decide to leave the life you’ve got a pretty good chance of getting out alive (Cutty, Namond). Since it’s pretty unlikely that Marlo is willing to go quietly…

1) Levy gets him out. He goes after Michael.

2) Partlow kills Marlo

3) Freamon lies about the C.I. They claim that the piece of paper that Bunk found in Omar’s hand proves that he was the C.I., had inside info on the functioning of Marlo’s organization and gave them the tip about the clocks. Marlo goes to jail. (which would be cool because we could create spinoff of show of Avon and Marlo in jail 😉

Partlow: Either gonna kill Marlo or going to jail, or going after Michael for killing snoop.

Duquan: The new bubbles. He has no connections to anyone in the city anymore. The preview for the ep shows Prezbo making a cameo. In all likelihood though, Dookie ends up on the street with a new heroin addiction. They’ve been hinting at it all season.

Michael: No idea how this is going to end for him. He’s been the most unpredictable character on the show. He seemed clearly headed towards being a thug, then discovered he didn’t have the heart for it, but he still managed to kill Snoop. When it comes down to it, Michael will do whatever he has to to protect himself. I wouldn’t be surprised to see him take out Marlo.

The Greek: Business, always business.


So the habs beat up on the Steve Samkos’ future team. Somebody please explain to me HOW THE FUCK PATRICE BRISEBOIS IS ALLOWED ON THE ICE!!! I don’t care if he scored a goal. He’s one of the worst hockey players I’ve seen in my entire life. He’s a lazy fuck. He makes the players around him worse. He takes no personal responsibility on the ice, he can’t play defense and he can’t shoot. He’s a bad influence in the locker room, and I don’t want him around any of the young habs. He has no problem losing, and that’s not an attitude I want to see out of this team. I want Carey Price to imbued with the Spirit of St. Patrick. I want him to take every goal he lets in personally. I want him to make Sidney Crosby his bitch.

Please for the love of god, will someone please take the Breezer out.

How bad were the Habs in the 90’s? Patrice “Breeze-by” Brisebois and Andre “Red-light” Racicot were on the same team. I’m not even making up those nicknames. Those are their actual nicknames.

I love Bob Gainey. He makes excellent moves, refuses to cave into giving up to much to players and other GM’s, but he also does weird inexplicable things. Like trading Huet for what will be a worthless second round pick, trading Rivet for a worthless pick, or signing Brisebois. Sometimes I get the feeling the Gainey is being a nice guy and just throws out a favour to friends every once in awhile. I was pretty sure that Brisebois signing with this team during the summer was a sign of the apocalypse. The Breezer manged to fuck up the first quarter of the season before Carbo had enough sense to sit his malignant fucking ass on the bench.

The Chick Situation

Still no contact with dreamgirl. I was feeling moderately better about the whole thing until last night, when I was home studying and I’m pretty sure she was sucking some guys’ cock. How does one become a stalker? Is that something that turns out well? Where does one obtain information on how to stalk effectively? Shouldn’t there be a FAQ or something? The amount of will-power I have to dedicate to not checking her MSN online status or Facebook updates is just ridiculous. I think at this point I’ve exerted way more energy trying to avoid her than I would have had I just been stalking her like a normal rejected loser.

On the plus side I got messages from 2 different girls that I had hooked up with earlier this year. Both of which I never managed to seal the deal with, and didn’t have the energy to chase (dreamgirl’s got me so fucked up that not only am I not getting to fuck her, she stops me from wanting to fuck other chicks. How fucked up is that?

Anyways, girl #1 aka UnitGirl, sent me a text message on fri when she found out that I was in the building where she works. Unfortunately I was in a class, and couldn’t make it out to see her. Even more unfortunate, I don’t think I’ve got enough time at the moment to chase her down.

Girl #2 aka Fashionista, sent me a message out of the blue to see what was up. I think she thinks I might have been playing hard to get, so she’s become interested again, or lonely. Who the fuck knows. I think the second I move to ask her out on a date, she’ll bolt. So I might just suggest coffee or breakfast…something benign and non-threatening.

This of course is complicated by by the imminent return of girl #3 aka FractureGirl from parts unkown today. One date into it so far. She’s got a smoking body, but we haven’t broached the subject of age yet. I’m waiting to see her naked before I bring that up. Once she finds out about the age discrepancy…this should pretty much be over.

Which brings us to girl #4, aka CuckoldGirl. She finally broke up with the boyfriend. I get the feeling that she expects me to ask her out and for us to start dating. I’m not really sure what to do with that?

On that note I guess I should probably get back to work. Fuck you!@!

Another girl I won’t ever get the chance to sleep with.

March 5, 2008

Daisy de la Hoya

Not for nothing, but that chick is Oscar de la Hoya’s niece. So….the question if I told you that you could fuck this chick but first you had to last 3 rounds in the rings with De La Hoya, would you take it? Keep in mind he knows that you’re leaving the ring to go bang the hell out of his niece, so he’s not going to spare you. He’s taking you to the hole!

I’d do it, and I’m a giant pussy. My stategy would be pretty simple. After he hits me the first time, I go down…and I stay down. Then I go down on her. Why? Cuz she’s hot! That’s why!


There’s two important questions that need to be answered. First of all the greatest scenes in the history of the show. This is a toughie. There’s some obvious candidates. (Omar in court, Omar vs. Mouzzone, Omar and Mouzzone vs. Stringer, Omar vs Chris, Snoop and Michael WTF!!!) but to answer that question would require more time than I have at the moment.

A simpler question would be what order would you place the seasons from best to worst.

1. Season 4 – This season just kicked ass. Marlo taking over, Chris and Snoop’s trips to the vacants (not to mention Snoop almost killing someone for thinking they might be from NY). Prezbo as a teacher, the infamous “Fuck you Mr. Colvin!” scene, Omar’s trip to jail (I didn’t think there was anyway he was making it out of there alive). Oh yeah, and the boys, Namond, Michael, Dookie and Randy. The kids were just outstanding. If they had changed the actress for Namond’s mom (although to be fair, the whole point was that she was a narcissistic cunt), and give McNulty a little more love…it might just have been perfect.

Gratuitous Nudity: …

2. Season 3 – Hamsterdam, Bunny, Rawls ripping shit up at the Comstat meetings, tons of Omar! Avon going free, the end of B+B. Simon tried to set up the Wire as a visual novel. Season 3 is the climax.

Gratuitous Nudity: Terry D’agostino (holy crap what a body). Carcetti’s ugly naked white ass.

3. Season 1 – The original. First time we clearly see that the police department and the Barksdale organization have identical hierarchies. The emphasis on the amount of work needed to lay a wire case. Daniels calling out Carver as a snitch. Daniels blackmailing

Gratuitous Nudity: The lesbo scene, where Kima actually looks hot

4. Season 5 – Overall weaker than the 2 seasons that preceded it, but balanced out by some of the best scenes in the show’s run, plus a plethora of cameos (Nicky Sobotka, Prezbo, Namond, Bunny, Cutty, Randy, union guy, Royce, hooker chick that bought smokes in season 3….the list goes on). McNulty’s scene where he manipulates the crime scene is just inspired genius, as is Freamon’s reaction when Bunk tells him. The FBI profile of the serial killer might be the funniest scene in the show. Clay Davis grandstanding. Avon making Marlo his bitch. Marlo saying goodbye to Prop Joe. Omar waging guerilla warfare on the streets of B-more, and my personal favorite Omar’s ripping Chris, Cheese and Spider (or is it Monk) when he finds out that Omar has been talking trash about him.

Gratuitous Nudity: The blonde McNulty is fucking while he flashes his badge

5. Season 2 – Omar testifying against Bird is probably most people’s favorite scene. There are a ton of things that happen in season two that are incredibly important to subsequent seasons. Unfortunately the season gets crushed under the weight of the Dock storyline. Ziggy Sobotka doing his best Screech from Saved by Bell imitation was almost too annoying to stand. However Stringer pulling the trigger on Deangelo was the beginning of the end, and started the buildup to the confrontation between Avon and Stringer, which ultimately leads to the Mouzzone/Omar/Stringer showdown (which was un-be-fucking-lievable)

Gratuitous Nudity: Kristin Proctor’s breasts, McNulty’s menage-a-trois


So even though its clear I need to get over her, I need some way of replacing her…with someone hotter. Obviously since I can’t get Dreamgirl to fuck me, I won’t be able to fuck a hotter girl. Anyone know how I can get a girl hotter than the one that shot me down?

“Gots to. It’s America.”

March 5, 2008

The Wire is coming to an end….sheeeeeeeeeeeit. Its kinda crazy that the show has one episode left, and even though it is by far the best show that has ever been on television, no one has ever heard of it. You could ask every person you met for an entire week if they’ve ever even heard of the Wire, and I’d bet you dollars to donuts no more than 1 person would have heard of it.

The Wire is the brainchild of David Simon. It’s semi-based on his experience researching the drug trade in Baltimore during his tenure as a reporter at the Baltimore Sun. The show is unique for several reasons. The continuity on the show is beyond anything we’ve ever seen on television. Tiny little elements that are completely glanced over have huge payouts to the audience years down the line. The show’s commitment to continuity is just one element that demonstrates the commitment Simon has put into his opus.

The show has around 30 major characters each season. Every character in the show is treated evenly. Meaning that there are no clear cut villains or heroes. People do not attempt to constatnly define themselves for the audience benefit. There are no long drawn out pointless romances, ongoing mysteries are solved (Lost? Hello, Lost?) , the characters in the Wire are people. Real people.

The percentage of the cast portrayed by african americans or minorities is significantly higher than any other show on television. The show is genuine reflection of life in a major city. It’s major accomplishment is that it essentially demonstrates how similar all these people are. Politicians and drug lords operate by the same system of interconnected rules, known as “The game”.

I keep wanting to post youtube clips of this shit, but the show isn’t popular enough to have been youtubed substantially. I might have to pull my own clips for you fine folks…assuming of course anyone ever actually ends up reading these posts.

by the way have I mentioned that this chick shows her tits?

Kristin Proctor


So still no progress on coming up with a new name for her. I can’t decide what’s worse. The fact that I can’t come up with a name for her, or that I actually waste time in my day trying to come up with a name. She hasn’t been on MSN at all today, which means that she’s probably taken a day off from work so her ass munching boyfriend can spend the day pounding her from behind.

It’s funny how the more depressed I get about this the hornier I get. I think my consumption of porn has doubled in the last week and half. One fortunate side effect was that I cam across this clip of Kristen Bell (another underapreciated show…well the first 2 seasons anyways. Season 3 was a turdburger with a side of turd coleslaw.)


Next game isn’t until tomorrow night. I just read that the players were allowed to bring family members with them on this trip. The Habs chartered a plane, and flew everyone down. Fucking brilliant. So the longest road trip of the season, the best chance for the team to bond on the road just got ruined because all the bitches are going to be there the whole time giving the players headaches about daily shit. The habs need to be out kicking ass and taking numbers on this trip not standing around holding purses.